What Is Telstar Logistics?

The short answer is that it's a scam for parking illegally in loading zones. The nerdy answer is that it's an ongoing experiment in corporate phenomenology, urban camouflage, and brand development. The tale unfolds something like this:

In the late 1980s, I lived in Providence, Rhode Island, where I drove this 1974 Dodge Tradesman 200 van. One day, I had an epiphany -- if I disguised the van to look like a work vehicle, I'd be able to park in yellow-curb zones without getting parking tickets. After a trip to an art-supply store to buy some vinyl lettering, an ambiguous company name was created, the letters were applied to the sides of the van, and indeed, no tickets were received.

The fake company took on a life of its own. In 1987, I bought a new SUV, which was duly accessorized to look like a fleet vehicle, with yellow stripes on the tailgate, a cryptic vehicle number on the sides, and a police-style spotlight.

This vehicle served me well throughout the 1990s, and I'm pretty confident that the commercial camouflage did much to help deter theft and vandalism while parked on the gritty streets of San Francisco's Mission District.

Gradually, Telstar Logstics evolved. In 1999, I appropriated a logo from a defunct 1950s-era nuclear energy mutual fund, and applied that to the sides of yet another new vehicle.

I ordered hundreds of smaller Telstar Logistics stickers, and bought some custom-embroidered Telstar Logistics t-shirts for myself and a few friends. I started to give away Telstar Logistics pens as holiday gifts.

So, in other words, Telstar Logistics is my branded alter ego. Practically, however, it provides useful cover for many of the things I like to do, such as exploring transportation facilities and abandoned military bases.

WHAT THEY'RE SAYING ABOUT TELSTAR LOGISTICS:

Silicon Valley's Valleywag has hailed Telstar Logistics as "the most fundable company in the Valley."

Business 2.0 magazine calls it "an amusing sideline." 

Autoblog describes it as a "diabolical scheme."

Boing Boing says: "Telstar Logistics is the only firm I trust for my supply chain needs."

Rocketboom believes it "appears to be effective!"

USA Today's Tech_Space says: "One of the reasons I love the Telstar Logistics blog is its higher-than-average percentage of Stuff I Haven't Seen Anywhere Else."

Someone in the comments below insists: "Yeah, you're a real genius: playing the system and screwing the working guy that actually NEEDS to park there, let alone the businesses that rely on the deliveries those guys are making."

Miss Manners could not be reached for comment.

WHO IS TELSTAR LOGISTICS?

To visit the Division of Personnel, click here.

WHAT IS "TELSTAR?"

For a brief history of that, click here.

Comments

[katalog]

I got a handicapped parking pass for when I had a knee surgery. It only lasted for three months, but thanks to the miracle of scanners and high-grade printers and paper, I was able to extend that pass until my graduation.

My only rule: Never park in a handicapped spot, just take any other spot that required a permit of sorts, and you were NEVER ticketed.

[Cranky Providence Driver]

Providence, RI -- where you can't park on your street over night, where landlords charge $50+ bucks a month to park in the driveway of the house you rent, and private companies $300+ a month to rent a space in a lot a 1/4 mile from your condo, where just yesterday, I received a $100 ticket for parking on the sidewalk when my car WAS PARKED IN MY DRIVEWAY, where the legal 3 hour parking spots are taken all day long (with nary a ticket, thankfully) by the hundreds of construction workers who are working on dozens of endless projects, where "I park, therefore I am ticketed" affirms your existence...

What joy does it bring to my cranky Providence soul to consider the delivery truck illegally blocking the alley where I usually illegally park to grab a coffee-to-go just might be a front for a Rave within! Dark places make for good art. Leave the merry prankster alone, ye self-righteous parking-pollyannas from the Land of Parking Plenty!

[Telstar Logistics]

Cranky, you've done a wonderful job capturing the spirit that makes Providence wonderful.

"Where Friendship is a one-way street, the rich folks live on Power, and the rest of us lived just off Hope"... and all that.

[Mike Williamson]

You're a genius. Your detractors are wanking office dingos.

Apparently, they enjoy and approve of paying the city additional rent in addition to the taxes they already pay for the "privilege" of conducting business in town and thereby generating more revenue, at the cost of ease of access to the businesses generating wealth for people rather than bureaurats.

That, and anyone with a 3rd grade education can take a look at a metered street and see that about 1/3 the parking space is wasted because of the delineated metered space.

But it's government endorsed, so it must be good, right?

BTW, I got the link from a disabled friend and have had reason to need those spaces myself on occasion. I've also worked as one of those people who use the loading zones and official areas. My position: ignore the wanking dingos.

[fixedgear]

You are that guy! The Telstar Logistics guy! Brilliant.

[John Konrad]

Great idea! I'm going to have some large Unofficial Squaw magnets made for the side of my truck. Good Publicity too.

Keep up the good work (and the great flickr photos)!

[L M]

When I lived in East Side Providence in the late 80's there was a Chevrolet Station wagon which was always around, painted matt black with yellow stripe on the tailgate and lots of official looking type on the side about it being an experimental test veicle or something. Anyone got and more info on it?

[Telstar Logistics]

Yes!

That station wagon belonged to the crew from Emergency Broadcast Networks, which was kind of a precursor to a lot of the sampling/mashup scene, sort of like the Evolution Control Committee. EBN later did some work with U2.

Because we obviously had a similar fetish going on, Josh Pearson, one of the EBN guys, and I used to compare notes at coffee shops on Wickenden St. from time to time.

More on EBN here:

http://www.tvtrecords.com/artists/bio.jsp?art_id=58&lab_id=4

[Telstar Logistics]

A few more EBN background links:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emergency_Broadcast_Network

EBN's videos can be found here:

http://www.joshualpearson.com/

[Canuck]

The fake fire-hydrant trick was used by Harpo in an early Marx Brothers film, The Big Store. It's rare, but if you can find it, in my opinion it's one of their best!

[Annie]

I'd like to buy or rent picture from this website, pls tell me how to do it.
Thank you

[Richard]

Todd-sama (or, wasn't it "Kumo-san"?)

You've come a long way from those days of running around the halls of Kansai Gaidai and the back streets of Kyoto and Osaka. From time to time I've wondered what had happened to you. What a shock to find you via a photo of socks on BoingBoing. As if life isn't random enough.

I got a huge chuckle out of your (mis-)adventures as portrayed in the blog here. Glad you are well.

Cheers,

Richard

[Eric]

hugely entertaining. I work for DHL and I have OFTEN thought of buying an E250 van, painting it out in DHL yellow standard livery, then pimping out the INSIDE as a custom city cruiser.

This is a good blog!

eric

[John Locke]

Okay, this subterfuge MIGHT work in some cases in the US. But alas, I cannot see it working for one second inside the UK of GB or most of Western Europe. Since 9-11, a lot of mutual background information sharing, including vehicle details can be officially requested by LEAs throughout Europe, to establish the vehicles credentials.

However, I did know someone that penetrated some active military bases, although not close to any sensitive areas during the 90s. It seemed that the end of the Cold War brought a severe lapse in military security measures on a number of bases in the UK. He was eventually caught, when he bumped into a servicemen that used to live in the same street before joining the military! Chance in a million, but he was politely informed that his ventures should be better curtailed in future (although it did raise concerns with higher authority at their own shortcomings!).

This all said, I have often wondered IF some of the big name companies & multinationals in the UK, have their livery branding copied by officialdom for their own "urban camouflage needs"(remember the Close Encounters of the Third Kind film). Imagine all those tractor -trailer (articulated trucks in Queens English!) trucks, supposed carrying well known branded products OR working for a internationally recognised multinational company, would actually be carrying something else & belong to someone else unrelated to the company being used for cover - still its free advertising, so they might not knock it completely!

Now, with that notion in mind, what would be the legality of someone copying a Coco Cola tractor-trailer truck & hauling their own RV home on the back installed into the trailer space?

Alternately, what would Telstar Logistics charge for "franchised" vehicles in the same branded livery appearing on the streets & highways of America? (could be a juicy 2nd income!).

John Locke.
(from little ol' England).

[Ricardo Sanchez]

I´d like more details of Telstar 1, please if you can, I{d appreciatte your help. Thanks

Ricardo Sanchez
La Paz - Bolivia
Movil phone 591-2-73023529

[hendri huwito]

Dear Mr. Todd Lappin,

Would you be willing to forward our email To Whom It May Concern in Singapore to meet Mr. Tirto Sutjipto with regards to the possiblity of Telstar Logistics investing in a profitable freighter for Indonesia eastern part?

Mr. Tirto Sujtipto will be in Singapore between 26-29th of March

Thank you.

Yours respectfully,
Hendri Huwito writing for Mr. Tirto Sutjipto

[studebaker hoch]

Hey Andy Dabydeen, was that guy Russian?

Because it sounds like Bolshevik to me.

[bill lavender]

Mr. Lappin;

I read your recent post about Helitack 406 with great interest. I would like to respectfully request reprint permission for my publication, AirFire & Forestry, with your web site addy credits.

You did an excellent job.

Regards,
Bill Lavender / Publisher

[Planephotoman]

I worked for a company that had magnetic signs with the company logo on them. Park and place the signs. When the company went out of business, I appropriated those signs and continued to park for free in the city when I needed to. The city allows deliveries only until 11am, but keeps those slots open by signage til 6pm. I kept a clipboard and taped carton in the vehicle for use when going into different buildings. I never got a ticket. The signs were stolen one day by someone else who undoubtedly wanted them for themselves....

[brett]

When you were at the air salvage places, what does it cost for some of these parts, especially propellers. Any contact for them?

[Cori Hoskins]

Good Morning. I have been searching and searching for a PINK Tonka Truck. I have a 3 yr old that is begging for one. Do you sell them or do you make them for yourself?

[Sean]

Hello,

I'd appreciate if you can give me some feedback on our site: www.regencyshop.com and our item hanging Eames Lounge Chair.

I realize that you are home decor-modern design connoisseur :) I'd like to hear your opinion/feedback on our products. Also, it'd be swell if you can place our link on your blog.

Thank you,

[Jacob]

That was a brilliant read!

[chpwb]

adding a light bar could help

[BeginswithQ]

I recently went to the Hunter's Point to the abandoned Naval shipyard to do photographic research of the beautiful building 253.

I was lost all afternoon in the maze of construction sites. When I was asked by a staff member what I was doing there, I told them I work for Teslar Logistics, a site survey contractor. The person told me that I must be a sub contractor for Tetrapak. Then she proceeded to guide me straight to the building 253.

Thanks to your corporation for the knowledge and ideas.

Cheers.