The short answer is that it's a scam for parking illegally in loading zones. The nerdy answer is that it's an ongoing experiment in corporate phenomenology, urban camouflage, and brand development. The tale unfolds something like this:
In the late 1980s, I lived in Providence, Rhode Island, where I drove this 1974 Dodge Tradesman 200 van. One day, I had an epiphany -- if I disguised the van to look like a work vehicle, I'd be able to park in yellow-curb zones without getting parking tickets. After a trip to an art-supply store to buy some vinyl lettering, an ambiguous company name was created, the letters were applied to the sides of the van, and indeed, no tickets were received.
The fake company took on a life of its own. In 1987, I bought a new SUV, which was duly accessorized to look like a fleet vehicle, with yellow stripes on the tailgate, a cryptic vehicle number on the sides, and a police-style spotlight.
This vehicle served me well throughout the 1990s, and I'm pretty confident that the commercial camouflage did much to help deter theft and vandalism while parked on the gritty streets of San Francisco's Mission District.
Gradually, Telstar Logstics evolved. In 1999, I appropriated a logo from a defunct 1950s-era nuclear energy mutual fund, and applied that to the sides of yet another new vehicle.
I ordered hundreds of smaller Telstar Logistics stickers, and bought some custom-embroidered Telstar Logistics t-shirts for myself and a few friends. I started to give away Telstar Logistics pens as holiday gifts.
So, in other words, Telstar Logistics is my branded alter ego. Practically, however, it provides useful cover for many of the things I like to do, such as exploring transportation facilities and abandoned military bases.
WHAT THEY'RE SAYING ABOUT TELSTAR LOGISTICS:
Silicon Valley's Valleywag has hailed Telstar Logistics as "the most fundable company in the Valley."
Business 2.0 magazine calls it "an amusing sideline."
Autoblog describes it as a "diabolical scheme."
Boing Boing says: "Telstar Logistics is the only firm I trust for my supply chain needs."
Rocketboom believes it "appears to be effective!"
USA Today's Tech_Space says: "One of the reasons I love the Telstar Logistics blog is its higher-than-average percentage of Stuff I Haven't Seen Anywhere Else."
Someone in the comments below insists: "Yeah, you're a real genius: playing the system and screwing the working guy that actually NEEDS to park there, let alone the businesses that rely on the deliveries those guys are making."
Miss Manners could not be reached for comment.
WHO IS TELSTAR LOGISTICS?
To visit the Division of Personnel, click here.
WHAT IS "TELSTAR?"
For a brief history of that, click here.
F**cking brilliant! Cheers!
Posted by: Deej | 14 October 2006 at 11:18 PM
That's so deviously evil that I must do it!
Posted by: Nik | 15 October 2006 at 03:27 AM
awesome :-D
Posted by: zib | 15 October 2006 at 07:08 AM
During college, I "borrowed" a couple of those reddish-orange work cones and hauled them around in my pickup which looked like a work vehicle anyway with shovels and trash in the back. Instead of parking in the loser student lot, I would "reserve" great parking spots in the faculty lot with my orange cones. An important part of the puzzle was to keep my truck unregistered at the university. No parking decals of any kind.
Three years. Not one ticket.
Posted by: MR | 15 October 2006 at 08:02 AM
This is too funny.
Posted by: Jane | 15 October 2006 at 08:48 AM
So this had its genesis in Providence of all places. Interesting.
It wouldn't work anymore - there are now 1,600 more parking meters in the city, and several new meter maids.
However, there is still one trick you can use. Get an amateur radio license and then order type 18 plates with your callsign on it from the registry.
For some reason, the 1 in the call sign looks like an I and tickets are written out to say, KDIS vs. KD1S. When they do the lookup it comes back invalid.
Posted by: Tony P. | 15 October 2006 at 09:51 AM
In California, genuine commercial vehicles have a commercial license (different taxation category) and this is evident from the license plate format. A heads-up parking enforcer will look at the plate, not the side of the vehicle...
Posted by: Flork Dibase | 15 October 2006 at 09:57 AM
I got a handicapped parking pass for when I had a knee surgery. It only lasted for three months, but thanks to the miracle of scanners and high-grade printers and paper, I was able to extend that pass until my graduation.
My only rule: Never park in a handicapped spot, just take any other spot that required a permit of sorts, and you were NEVER ticketed.
Posted by: T lerr | 15 October 2006 at 10:35 AM
Yeah, you're a real genius: playing the system and screwing the working guy that actually NEEDS to park there, let alone the businesses that rely on the deliveries those guys are making. Then you brag about it and, even worse, receive accolades for your 'genius'. Ever wonder just what it is that's wrong with our culture? Look in the mirror and you'll get at least part of the answer.
Posted by: Frank | 15 October 2006 at 10:42 AM
OK Flork, T lerr has it straight. Why is it so much better to screw the guy who works there rather than the guy who is handicapped out of his space? Cause you stole the guy who works there space, he might ave to walk 2 miles compared to the handicapped guy who had to shuffle 100 metres cause you said that. I'm handicapped right now (albiet temporarily due to a high speed bike accident) and this is the deal, u screwing someone who's handicapped is low but it ain't so much lower.
At points in my life I'd have stolen either space. Now I would steal neither. This isn't strictly critical like T lerrs post but you should close the cognitive dissonance - if your an asshole your an asshole and you better accept that and love it (or change it) - not make bullshit excuses for it.
Posted by: Amoral | 15 October 2006 at 11:12 AM
God Bless AmeriKa !!!
are you accepting applications ?
; >
Posted by: distrakted | 15 October 2006 at 11:50 AM
Oh you guys should really calm down. There is one guy who came up with this brilliant scheme, and is now revealing how he did it. If he hasn't been caught by any of the genius meter maids out there, who cares? If you have such a personal crusade for the parking spots for the businesses and the delivery guys or whoever, don a parking officer uniform, get a job with them and do something. Otherwise, stfu. And for the record, Amoral, it's "you're an asshole" not "your an asshole". People who have horrible grammar piss me off to no end. Learn the language if you want to complain. You sounded so smart with your "cognitive dissonance" line, then two words later, you ruined it. For shame.
Posted by: Oralfixation | 15 October 2006 at 11:50 AM
Way to keener on the parking for my taste, and horrible christmas presents! But clever..
Posted by: Tim Mundy | 15 October 2006 at 12:05 PM
Or you could park in a normal spot, and walk the extra 10 feet.
Posted by: Neil | 15 October 2006 at 12:07 PM
Now that this has got so much publicity, don't you think that it will work less in the future?
Posted by: ranon | 15 October 2006 at 12:15 PM
"The nerdy answer is that it's an ongoing experiment in corporate phenomenology, urban camouflage, and identity development."
See that, all you complainers?
This person did this and risked getting caught to bring us this kind of content, to make us go "Wow, that can actually happen", to show us something that could only otherwise be talked about with reasonable doubt without experimentation.
Why don't you go complain about the outcasted teenager who just shot four people at the school two blocks down from you.
Posted by: Jesse | 15 October 2006 at 01:30 PM
It's much easier to steal old ladies handicap stickers and park in handicapped spaces.
Posted by: typical asshole | 15 October 2006 at 02:33 PM
no
Posted by: no | 15 October 2006 at 02:58 PM
Great news for urban explorers!
Posted by: adman635 | 15 October 2006 at 03:17 PM
Hey, Frank,
If you read Flor's post, he wrote,
"My only rule: Never park in a handicapped spot, just take any other spot that required a permit of sorts, and you were NEVER ticketed"
He NEVER parked in a hadicapped spot, so he NEVER screwed any handicapped people out of a parking space.
Posted by: speller | 15 October 2006 at 07:34 PM
Evil! Totally evil! And genius too ... wish I had thought of that and had the balls to pull it off.
Posted by: Andy Dabydeen | 15 October 2006 at 08:12 PM
I knew a guy who'd always carry a fake fire hydrant in his truck, and leave it behind on the curb when he'd drive away, so the space would remain.
Posted by: Steveo | 15 October 2006 at 11:45 PM
typical_asshole, your onto something there....
Time to get stealing!
Posted by: coketech | 15 October 2006 at 11:51 PM
What can't you just follow the rules and park where you are supposed to? What makes you think you have the right to do this? If everyone started acting like this, we wouldnt be able to drive, and then even more nonsense legislation would get passed. Acting like this subverts the system for selfish reasons and cause society as a whole to degregate. Grow up and park where you're suppoed to.
Posted by: Netmonger | 16 October 2006 at 04:36 PM
Have you thought about franchising? I'd like to open a Telstar satellite office up here in Canada.
Posted by: r0Xx | 19 October 2006 at 11:06 AM