TELSTAR LOGISTICS LAUNCHES NEXT GENERATION BRAND EXTENSION
Genetic Technology Yields Robust, Scalable, Cute New Life
SAN FRANCISCO, Calif. - 25 July, 2007 Telstar Logistics Genetics Systems, working in collaboration with the Biological Imperative Group and Evolutionary Solutions Inc., is proud to announce the successful launch and deployment of our newest brand extension, Miel Avril Lappin.
Miel achieved re-entry at 4:54 pm on July 24, 2007 in San Francisco after a mercifully brief and uneventful labor. Her gross delivery weight was 7 pounds 1 ounce (3177 grams), with a total platform length of 19.5 inches (49.5 cm).
A state-of-the-art newborn, Miel is equipped with the latest onboard diagnostic and maintenance technologies, including fully autonomic respiratory, circulatory, and waste-disposal systems, as well as pre-installed grasping and suckling subroutines. A built-in acoustic alarm alerts the executive team when ambient conditions are sub-optimal, and the user interface is calibrated for maximum cuteness. After rigorous third-party testing, Miel also achieved the prestigious Apgar 10 certification for superior build-quality.
"Adopting a standardized infant platform that supports heterogeneous brand propagation enables Telstar Logistics to improve long-term connectivity and increase overall performance levels," said Todd Lappin, co-chair of Telstar Logistics Genetics Systems. "In the years ahead, we anticipate that Miel will help expand our conceptual footprint among the much sought-after Generation Z demographic."
Miel said, "Wehhhhhhh pfthhhhhhp-p-pt fwptttthhhhhhht gug-g-g-g-g." Her mother is doing very well, and trying to get some sleep.
About Telstar Logistics
Telstar Logistics is a leading provider of integrated services via Land, Air, Sea, and Space. For more information about Telstar Logistics, its products, and its history, please visit our Investor Relations page.
UPDATE, 30 July, 2007:
Day Six. Trajectory and telemetry are still good. Returned to Telstar Logistics headquarters for permanent basing. Cuteness increasing, in tandem with sudden interest in social activism.
(Photo above: Miel Avril Lappin, 10 minutes after she was born)